Oh, Mother
by Angel Weasel-Woman
Summary: Orochimaru recieves a visit from the one he loathes the most... His mother.


Orochimaru collapsed into his chair, twisting about so that his back rested against one armrest and his legs were hooked over the other. Leaning back to rest his head on nothing, he reached out to grope out his box of Pocky he knew would be on the glass coffee table. When his fingertips met no cardboard box, he pouted and attempted to glare at the table from the corner of his eye, feeling too lazy to turn his head.

"Sasuke! Kabuto!" he cried, waiting for his subordinates. "Get in here now!"

Immediately, two swirls of smoke appeared in the large dark chamber, wafting away to reveal eighteen-year-old Sasuke and twenty-two-year-old Kabuto kneeling.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" Sasuke murmured, gracefully unfolding his body to its full five-foot-ten height.

"You called for us?" Kabuto added, pushing himself to his feet as well, resiting the urge to make a face at the, just barely, – damn him – taller man.

"I require…" Orochimaru paused before suddenly pumping a fist in the air. "More Pocky! Go into the village and buy me some."

"And… will we be given funds for this… Pocky run?" Sasuke asked incredulously.

"Fuck that. Use your own damn money. Now be off with you."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

"'Use your own damn money,'" Kabuto grumbled, imitating Orochimaru's way of speaking and voice. Reverting back to his own speech pattern, he glared at Sasuke and accused, "This is your all _your_ fault."

"My fault?" Sasuke squawked. "How is this _my_ fault?"

"You're the one that broke the window with that screeching mass you call an attack."

"Well, he caught _you_ making fun of his way of speaking."

"You joined in."

"Well, you called him Ayame."

And thus the two stormed down the streets of Otogakure no sato, insults and accusations flying between them as their feet led them to a familiar shop. The silver haired man smirked as the cloth flap smacked Sasuke in the face, cutting off his insult in the middle of a word. From her position of leaning on the front counter, the young woman looked up, bored, hardly quirking an eyebrow as Sasuke nearly ripped off her banner.

"You've been in here ten times this month," she called, pulling herself to her feet. "You would think one would learn when to duck."

"Shut–up," Sasuke cursed as he freed himself. Whether it was directed to the woman who was smirking, Kabuto who was laughing, or to the floor that was just sitting there innocently, none could be sure. Stalking up to the counter, and giving Kabuto a hard punch in the arm as he passed, the Sound nin slammed his hands down on the counter.

"Ten cases of Pocky."

"Sure thing, Meryl," the woman said with a smirk, not even the slightest bit startled, which miffed Sasuke to no end. "You want the usual – milk, chocolate, and strawberry – or something new?"

"Just give me the damn Pocky."

The woman continued to give him a smug look and ducked into the back room. Still smothering giggles and snickers, Kabuto approached Sasuke and eyed him wearily, rubbing his bruised arm. The dark haired man glared but before he could finish his insult, a large case of ten boxes of chocolate mousse Pocky landed on his fingers, causing him to yelp. He snarled at the woman, yanking his fingers free, and cussed at her retreating back as she laughed.

Nine boxes and several finger injuries later, the two shinobi paid for their order, took five cases each and left the store, Sasuke getting caught in the banner once more.

"I hate her," the dark eyes man growled. "Her and her damn store."

"I don't," Kabuto chirped cheerily, reveling in the fact that he was adding to Sasuke's rage.

"Shut–up. That because you're so _short_."

"At least I don't hurt myself going in and out of shops."

"I will kill you. Slowly and painfully. I will make sure you are sent to the darkest ring of Hell…"

Kabuto just laughed.

Pausing at a street corner, Kabuto vaguely noted and old woman with wrinkled, pale flesh, draped over with a black cloak and leaning heavily on a gnarled wooden cane watching the road before her with dull gold eyes. She pursed her lips at the traffic and looked abut ready to leave when she noticed the Sound hitai–ate about Sasuke's forehead.

"Young man," she crooned, eyes crinkling in a smile, "would you be so kind as to walk an old woman across the street?"

"You'd better be a fairy in disguise, because it'll take a miracle for me not to kill someone tonight…" Sasuke grumbled.

Apparently taking this as an affirmative, the woman cackled and hooked one wrinkled hand through Sasuke's elbow. As the woman moved her cloak aside to grasp her cane better, Kabuto caught sight of an old, tarnished hitai–ate about her neck, the village symbol worn away.

"What village are you from," Kabuto found himself saying, "if you don't mind me asking, of course."

"Oh, my family is originally from the Leaf, but my son moved here when the village was founded and I've just now been able to track him down."

"That's nice," Sasuke muttered, the trio moving forward when the signal changed.

"Have you found your son yet?" Kabuto questioned.

"No, not yet. But hang me in I don't before month's end."

"Well, don't worry, we'll bring you to our master – he knows everyone in this village."

"I don't think he'd like us dragging old women I to see him," Sasuke said.

"It'll take all of ten minutes," Kabuto countered as they set foot on the opposite sidewalk. "Besides, it'll be nice to help this woman.

"Oh, thank you," the woman crooned, once more clasping Sasuke's elbow in her hand.

* * *

Orochimaru kicked one leg out, vaguely wondering is his foot connected with the small fly. Then, realizing he didn't care, he shifted in his chair so that the top of his head brushed against the floor and his feel rested against the backing. Flopping one hand on the ground, he began to tap his knuckles against the concrete as he waited for his Pocky.

Maybe he should have sent along a thir party – make sure they weren't goofing off again.

Finally the door flew open and in stepped Sasuke and Kabuto followed by…

"Orochi–chan!"

"_Mother?!_"

* * *

Ahh, the stuff inspired by Oni–Con.

Itachi: What… the hell…?

Angel: We ran into an Orochimaru cosplayer and he was always with this older woman. We decided it was the man's mother and thus this formed.

Yondaime: … I hate you.

Angel: Whatever. Shino – since you're apparently too lazy to get out of my house now that the bugs are gone – you get to do the disclaimer.

Shino: Angel doesn't own Naruto.

Angel: Excellent. So, till next time!


End file.
